Celebrating the Ordinary, vol. 4

I have gotten to the point where this end-of-the-week series is my favorite post to write. Each week has its own challenges, highs, and lows-- and this series always reminds me to slow down and appreciate the little things, before time flies by in its too-fast blur. 
Earlier this week, I stepped downstairs to the sight of my husband grinding the green powder of his matcha latte. A simple scene: just part of his morning routine. Yet that simple moment encapsulated so much of what I love about marriage:
The simple fact that you know, when you wake up, that you'll go downstairs and see your spouse getting breakfast together. Barefoot, jeans, tshirt. The tinkling timbre of cereal hitting the inside of a bowl. The shrill whistle-whine of the teapot. The fresh smell of ground coffee waiting on the countertop. The first sizzle of bacon in the pan. 
It's moments like this where I find myself thinking Can there ever be enough of this? Will I ever get enough of morning light slanting across a wood floor, of the honey jar's amber glow? Will I ever reach my fill of that slow morning pace? Will I ever grow tired of watching the tendons and grooves of his hands--folding and unfolding, flexing and reaching--as he works? 
Little moments like these create the bedrock of what we are as a couple. 
Nothing much, yet so much. Everything. 

20 Fall Date Ideas

With the Autumnal Equinox just next week, I've really been in the mood for all things fall lately.  I'm all about knitted blankets, hot tea, and cozy socks-- and have been attempting to force the Maryland weather to cooperate with my fall mood. However, this area seems to want to hold onto summer a little longer, keeping the temperatures in the mid 80's this week. The hubs says I need to just appreciate the sunshine while it lasts and stop trying to force winter upon us. What do you think? Are you chomping at the bit for fall or dreading the end of summer?

In preparation for the upcoming chilly autumn weekends, I put together a list of 20 fall date ideas. This list is a combo of favorite dates and dates we'd love to try. Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments-- I'm always looking for fun ways to branch out from our routine.

1. Pack some cozy blankets and go for a picnic in your local park or countryside-- somewhere you can really enjoy the fall foliage

2. Make a boring chore fun-- rake up the leaves in your yard and play around in the leaf piles. Who says you can't act like a kid sometimes?

3. Attend a college football game together. One of my favorite date memories is going to a Virginia Tech football game with Mark.

4. Go to your local fall festival or Oktoberfest celebration.

5. Go tent-camping for the weekend. The chilly night air presents a perfect excuse to snuggle up next to your sweetie.

6. Bake some fall treats together and share with your neighbors.

7.  Have fun together in the kitchen by meal prepping for winter. Fix soups, crockpot meals, chili, pasta sauce... all those hearty winter and fall meals.

8. Go apple picking at a local orchard and bake an apple pie afterward.

9. Take a beer brewing class at a local brewery. Mark and I are actually considering doing this as our anniversary date this year! It's a fun way to learn a hobby together but also supplies you with a possible gift idea for family and friends.

10. Have a backyard bonfire and make smores. Invite some other couples over and make it a party!

11. Host a baseball World Series party together and cheer for your favorite team.

12. Visit a pumpkin patch and then carve a jack o'lantern for your front porch.

13. Get lost together in a corn maze.

14. Visit a haunted house. Again, a perfect excuse to hold hands and stay close!

15. Get some fresh air and exercise together by going for a scenic bike ride.

16.  Pack a few blankets and drive out to the country to star gaze. My dad always said that chilly nights were the best times to see the stars. Let's see if its true!

17.  Fix some hot chocolate, grab your favorite books, and snuggle together on the couch and read. The original version of Netflix and Chill.... Paperback and Chill.

18. Make caramel apples and add all your favorite crumbled toppings.

19. Visit a winery to enjoy the grape harvest.

20. Go to the beach! Believe it or not, one of my favorite times to visit the beach is during fall. The busy touristy spots are suddenly empty of everyone but locals-- a perfect backdrop for a long walk together to just talk and hold hands.

What do you think about this list? Give some of them a try-- see what kind of memories you make. After all, we all get tired of just watching Netflix on the couch. If you have some of your own ideas, please feel free to share. Or, share your stories after you go on one of these fall dates!

Happy weekend!

Check out the Link Party Palooza over at Tater Tots & Jello for more awesome projects, fall ideas, and yummy recipes! And if you found this post via the linkup, welcome to our new little space! We hope you'll stick around awhile! Visit our about page for an introduction and to see our most popular posts. Thanks for reading and happy weekend!

Mr. & Mrs. // Learning to Laugh

Awwww... look at engaged us up there. So stinking cute. And so oblivious to all that is lying ahead: all the ups and downs and laughs and cries and general crazy wonderfulness that is marriage. I know, I know. We haven't even been married three whole years yet. There's an old-timer out there somewhere scoffing and saying "honey, you ain't seen nothing yet." I'm not totally naive. I'm aware that there's plenty more challenges and adventures ahead that we can't even begin to imagine. What do we know?

Well, I feel like we do know a little bit. Today, I want to share one of the biggest lessons I've learned since getting married on that mild October day in 2012. It's a lesson I often forget to live by, but it's also a lesson that I have been actively trying to remember.

That lesson is simple: be willing to laugh.

Before our wedding, a family friend imparted this nugget of wisdom: learn to laugh at yourself, at your circumstances, and at each other. Of course, you have to time that last one right. I don't mean crack up at your partner when they're genuinely upset. That would just compound your issues. Let me explain,

Life is full of setbacks, failures, difficulties, and just downright bad days. Recently, there was a time when I let these various obstacles and difficulties truly weigh my spirits. I walked around grumpy, irritable, and taking everything way too seriously. Every joke felt like an intended slight. Every little disagreement had the potential to turn into an explosive argument. Everyday, I was genuinely upset and out-of-sorts, allowing too many things to burden and rob me of the simple joy of everyday life.

But then, one day, I just started laughing. My husband and I were in the middle of a mild disagreement, but one that had the potential to turn into a real, genuine argument. To be honest, I can't even recall the topic of the fuss. I do remember that I was being intentionally difficult and obstinate, despite knowing that my position was the wrong one. But then, something Mark said or did in frustration just struck me as funny. I started to laugh and just like that, my anger was gone. I realized how stupid I was being, how unfair. At first, my husband's expression was surprised--what was wrong with this crazy woman?-- and then he too began to laugh. And just like that--the fuss was over. Instead, we were sitting in the living room laughing our heads off. Once our cackling subsided, we were able to talk civilly, solve the issue, and move on.

While the incident may sound silly, it taught me that laughter is so vitally important not only in a marriage, but just in everyday life. Since then, I've learned (and am still learning) how being willing to laugh can make seemingly insurmountable problems seem trivial and doable. When I have a bad day and then get cut off by an angry driver on my way home, I could either rant and rave about it...or laugh to myself. When I destroy supper (which doesn't happen often, but has occurred at least once in my cooking life), I could either bang pots around in frustration or throw my hands up and laugh oh well.

Life is much too short to stomp through, unhappy and irritable. When you go that route, you not only upset yourself but everyone around you. Instead, just give in and laugh about it. You may be surprised--like me--to realize how much better it makes you feel.

Mr. + Mrs. // The Best Marriage Advice Ever

In all that you do, endeavor to make your spouse feel wanted, needed, and loved.

The night before our wedding, our officiant pulled us aside. Our rehearsal dinner was winding down, the guests starting to dissipate. Only our bridal party and a few family members remained, chittering and laughing over glasses of sweet tea, as excited as us for what the next day would bring. Noticing a lull in the festivities, our officiant--who also happened to be my best friend's father-- pulled us aside to a quiet booth tucked in a back corner of the venue. There, he proceeded to give us the best marriage advice anyone has ever offered to us. It's advice that I can't say that I've been faithful in remembering or living everyday... but I can honestly say that--on the days I do remember it--it has proven its worth.

"In all that you do,  in the actions you take, in the words you speak, in the decision you make... endeavor to make your spouse feel wanted, needed, and loved," he said. "Ask yourself: does what I'm doing make my spouse feel like she's wanted? Like he is needed? Does it make him/her feel that s/he is truly loved? If the answer to one of those questions is a definite no, then maybe you should rethink your words or what you are doing."

At that time, sitting in that booth clutching Mark's hand, I know that I didn't fully comprehend the entirety of his words. I understood that these were words springing from years of marriage experience and from godly wisdom. Yet in that moment, my mind brimmed with last-minute wedding worries: did we have enough napkins? Were there enough flowers in each centerpiece? Would the DJ play the right song when introducing us at the reception? The answer to that last one turned out to be NO by the way.

Now, after two and a half years of marriage, I think I'm beginning to comprehend what this advice may mean.

In short, it means to put each other first. To weigh your daily decisions and actions with your spouse in mind. To consciously choose selflessness. To be willing to make a decision you may not want to make or to do something you may not want to do simply for the other's benefit and joy. To seek your spouse's happiness above your own, to seek their comfort above your own, and to encourage them always.

When we're locked in a heated newlywed fight--whether it be the slamming door kind, the spewing tears kind, or the silent-but-deadly kind--this advice requires that you be willing to swallow your pride. To apologize sincerely, without having to be asked. To be willing to give some ground to spare the other's feelings. It requires bending your will in order to heal the other's heart. And I'll be honest: as a fiercely stubborn and proud person, apologizing first or admitting I'm wrong is one of the hardest tasks that I ever have to do. But then I pause and ask myself "Did what I say make my husband feel loved? Or needed? Or wanted?" If the answer brings guilt, learning to apologize and admit my own faults comes a little easier. As time passes, I'm learning that apology is just another part of marriage.

Lastly, it's important to note that this advice applies to both people in the relationship. These words aren't part of the wives-submit-to-your-husbands mantra. No. Ya'll know me better than that. Both parties should strive to uphold this advice. Because if each person endeavors to put the other first, well then neither one will miss out on much will they?

After all, I think our society could use a little more selflessness and kindness in daily life. And what better place to start that under your own roof?

What's some of the best marriage or relationship advice you ever received? Feel free to share! 

Your Side, My Side

My grandfather, a chiropractor in rural Georgia, kept a small plaque on his desk. It quipped "A messy desk is the sign of genius." This quotation is often attributed to Albert Einstein, who more than anyone else can surely claim to understand genius.

As I lay in bed last night, reading to calm my mind, I caught myself wondering what a messy nightstand may signify. What would Mr. Einstein have to say about that? "A messy beside table is a sign of...?" I wondered what my night stand says about me, as opposed to what Mark's night stand says about him.

Despite my constant attempts to simplify and edit our lifestyle, it is amazing what manages to accumulate on our nightstands, the things we feel we "need" in order to get a good night's sleep. Here is a list of the essentials each of us keep on hand, every night.

Hers

• glasses
• homemade lotion
• books
• journal
• water
• faux sheep rug

His

• glasses
• Tiger balm (for post workout soreness, apparently) 
• Outside magazine
• workout guide
• phone charger
• fan controller

Clearly, Mark and I have already reached that little-old-couple stage of reading before bed. What can I say? We're both book worms. Reading and spending quiet time together has always been one of our favorite ways to pass time together. As you can probably tell about our book genres, mine tend toward the literary while his tend toward the practical... which is actually a pretty clear insight into our personalities. 

What's on your bedside? Any good reads?

Together Forever

I've lived a life surrounded by many strong women. My mother, grandmothers, sister, aunts, friends, professors--women who live full careers, pursue dreams, and maintain healthy, happy families. They smile and carry on, even as they wear themselves out meeting the demands of the nine-to-five work schedule and the 24-7 mommy schedule. And all of them have, at some point, shared advice with me. Advice on how to live for others while maintaining yourself.

But you know the sage snippet that has stayed with me the longest? Don't rely on your work, your family, or your husband to be your only source of happiness. Be your own source of happiness. Or, as my mom often puts it, "You have to be your own happy." 

In these first few months of marriage, I have felt completely absorbed by this new life: moving, finding a job, decorating the condo, learning how to run a little home and manage a budget. Then, add in the rush of holidays and travel. And all these things sometimes feel in the way-- because what I really want to do every day is so simple: be with Mark. Just hang out with him, goof around, laugh, and have fun. I guess you could say we are already like a little old couple--because we already have our routine. Work, workout, supper, movie/xbox/game, bed. That's pretty much the basic order of things in the Hobbs household. Throughout that entire routine, we're pretty much side by side.

And that is something I've had to get used to. Mark and I lived hundreds of miles apart while dating. Our visits felt so rushed--Friday and Sunday being spent mostly in driving back home. I felt like I had to soak up every moment with him. Every second, because soon we would be apart again for two or three weeks at a time. Texts and phonecalls only.

But now, now that we get to be around each other constantly...it's hard to switch my brain out of that desperate he's-going-to-be-leaving-tomorrow mode. He will still be there in the morning; he will come home at night. I don't have to be completely devoted to and absorbed in every moment--dreading the approaching time when the will hop in his truck and head back north on 85. Because that moment isn't coming anymore. I can actually relax. If I want to sit on the couch and knit while he plays a videogame... I can. If I want to run get groceries while he runs on the treadmill at the gym...I can. We'll be home together that evening.

(I'm getting to my point, folks. I promise.)

I had a lesson in this shifting of mood this weekend. Mark's boss invited him to go along with him and some other employees to a scenario paintball game here in town. Mark's an avid paint-baller, even starting his own team with his cousins. So, of course,  the opportunity sounded great. But here I am-- still slightly in desperate he's-going-to-be-leaving mode. At first, I felt completely opposed. No! We both work all week--I didn't want to be apart on Saturday! We could hike or something, at least. Not to mention, I was feeling blue and homesick. My puppy had just been put to sleep and, even worse, a good family friend had passed away and long distance made traveling to his funeral an impossibility. The last thing I wanted to do was sit around the condo again, all alone, all day, missing home and feeling blue. Sitting is something I do enough of. Trust me, me and this red couch have a close enough relationship--since it serves as my official desk for this CSR work-from-home business.

I'm not going to lie; I felt pretty upset and sad. But at the same time, I wanted Mark to go and have fun--knowing how much he loves the sport. I felt selfish asking him to stay home; I felt sad telling him to go ahead.

So. I bit the bullet; he went. Luckily for me, I was able to spend the day with a lady from our church. She's become a good friend here in Frederick; always quick to have us over and very easy to talk to and laugh with. We had lunch, stopped by a home decor store, found some items for her  recently redecorated master bedroom, then just sat and had coffee and talked in her living room. And you know what? I had fun. I wasn't lonely or sad or blue anymore. I know part of that was due to good company-- but still. I feel even if I had stayed home and worked on my Etsy inventory or creative writing... I would have been okay.

Sure, I missed my husband all day. It felt so odd not to be right by him. But when he came home that evening, covered in paint chips and beaming-- I remembered that phrase: Be your own happy. I can't just be absorbed in Mark and our little home--putting all my store and energy in that and expecting him to carry the burden of being the only thing that makes me happy. No, that's not fair or healthy. We each need the unique things in our life that make us happy. Me--a good job, my creative projects, my writing, my painting. Him--the challenges of sports, being outdoors, working with his hands. We are two multi-faceted, unique individuals--we fulfill each other, but we are not solely absorbed in each other.

Being apart for a few hours, to do our own thing, made being together so much better. And its so great-- no more dread or fear of being separate, because in the end, supper will be on the table that night, and we'll be together.

So. That's my lesson this weekend.

Sorry for the longwinded-ness!