Mr. + Mrs. // The Best Marriage Advice Ever

In all that you do, endeavor to make your spouse feel wanted, needed, and loved.

The night before our wedding, our officiant pulled us aside. Our rehearsal dinner was winding down, the guests starting to dissipate. Only our bridal party and a few family members remained, chittering and laughing over glasses of sweet tea, as excited as us for what the next day would bring. Noticing a lull in the festivities, our officiant--who also happened to be my best friend's father-- pulled us aside to a quiet booth tucked in a back corner of the venue. There, he proceeded to give us the best marriage advice anyone has ever offered to us. It's advice that I can't say that I've been faithful in remembering or living everyday... but I can honestly say that--on the days I do remember it--it has proven its worth.

"In all that you do,  in the actions you take, in the words you speak, in the decision you make... endeavor to make your spouse feel wanted, needed, and loved," he said. "Ask yourself: does what I'm doing make my spouse feel like she's wanted? Like he is needed? Does it make him/her feel that s/he is truly loved? If the answer to one of those questions is a definite no, then maybe you should rethink your words or what you are doing."

At that time, sitting in that booth clutching Mark's hand, I know that I didn't fully comprehend the entirety of his words. I understood that these were words springing from years of marriage experience and from godly wisdom. Yet in that moment, my mind brimmed with last-minute wedding worries: did we have enough napkins? Were there enough flowers in each centerpiece? Would the DJ play the right song when introducing us at the reception? The answer to that last one turned out to be NO by the way.

Now, after two and a half years of marriage, I think I'm beginning to comprehend what this advice may mean.

In short, it means to put each other first. To weigh your daily decisions and actions with your spouse in mind. To consciously choose selflessness. To be willing to make a decision you may not want to make or to do something you may not want to do simply for the other's benefit and joy. To seek your spouse's happiness above your own, to seek their comfort above your own, and to encourage them always.

When we're locked in a heated newlywed fight--whether it be the slamming door kind, the spewing tears kind, or the silent-but-deadly kind--this advice requires that you be willing to swallow your pride. To apologize sincerely, without having to be asked. To be willing to give some ground to spare the other's feelings. It requires bending your will in order to heal the other's heart. And I'll be honest: as a fiercely stubborn and proud person, apologizing first or admitting I'm wrong is one of the hardest tasks that I ever have to do. But then I pause and ask myself "Did what I say make my husband feel loved? Or needed? Or wanted?" If the answer brings guilt, learning to apologize and admit my own faults comes a little easier. As time passes, I'm learning that apology is just another part of marriage.

Lastly, it's important to note that this advice applies to both people in the relationship. These words aren't part of the wives-submit-to-your-husbands mantra. No. Ya'll know me better than that. Both parties should strive to uphold this advice. Because if each person endeavors to put the other first, well then neither one will miss out on much will they?

After all, I think our society could use a little more selflessness and kindness in daily life. And what better place to start that under your own roof?

What's some of the best marriage or relationship advice you ever received? Feel free to share! 

Gratitude // Spring Plantings

This week, I've been thankful for grubby fingers and spring plantlings. 

For yummy berry-banana-spinach-and-chia concoctions for breakfast. 

For snoozey pups who snore and bark during their naps. 

For reminders of freedom's high cost, tucked right behind shopping centers. 

For evening walks done right.

It's funny how when you begin to count your blessings, the little things

suddenly amount to so much, becoming weighty and significant in your arms.

What have you been grateful for lately? 

The New Job // Paint, Wax, & Brush

Some of you have recently expressed interest in knowing what I do for a living. So today I thought I would share a "day in the life" style post. A little insight into the normal day job that behind the scenes of Amp & Abi,

Back in January, I shared this post, explaining why I felt the need to make a change in my life by leaving my M.A.T program. Shortly thereafter, I began a job at a nearby liberal arts college, working as their Assistant Director of Financial Aid. It was a great job--for the first time in my life, I had my own office. I had a title. My name plaque hung by the door. I had business cards.

There was only one problem: I wasn't happy. While the job paid well and was what many would consider a great job, it simply wasn't for me. Here we go again, I thought. Since college, it felt like I had two options: to pursue a career that would make money but leave me bored and unhappy or to choose a more creative job that brought me joy but paid significantly less. Why was life like this? I moaned. Why did one always have to choose between responsibility and happiness? Between what you wanted to do and what you felt you should do--whether due to personal or societal interpretations of "what you should do."

I spent many nights clutching a pillow to my chest and talking to Mark about how I felt. Finally, he shrugged and said "Baby, you're only 23. Now is the time to experiment and find out who and where you want to be. If you don't do it now, when else will you do it?"

He had a point.

The following Sunday found me at a local vintage furniture sale, talking shop and craft with one of the shop owners. To my surprise, that evening I found a job offer sitting in my email inbox. A part-time position working as a painter for the vintage furnishings company Repurposed and Refined. Rather than sitting in front of a computer, punching numbers and fielding phone-calls, I would get to spend my days covered in paint, turning cast-off pieces of vintage furniture into polished, refurbished beauties. The hours I didn't work I could devote to writing and my own painting projects. Um, yes please.

Here are a few images of the pieces I painted my first week (last week):

Needless to say, I've been in heaven since starting my new job. This experience has truly proven to me that money isn't everything. While it certainly helps to have extra cash, there's something to be said for simple happiness. Who knew that I would love working with my hands so much? One week alone has left me brimming with ideas for projects and pieces which my fingers itch to get started on.

I so look forward to what the future will bring as I devote more time to creative projects like these. I hope to share more photos in the future-- so stay tuned! In the meantime, if you have any furniture refinishing needs or questions, please don't hesitate to ask!

Mini-Trip to Greenville

As we drove down I-85 to Georgia, a thought seized me: Why not stop for a moment in Greenville, South Carolina? I remembered going there once as a young teenager and vaguely recalled a beautiful park downtown. We had a little extra time to kill and supposed that taking an hour to stretch our legs would be worth the pause. Solo, we were sure, would appreciate an opportunity to bounce around and wag his little tail.

A quick Google search brought up Falls Park on the Reedy in downtown Greenville. So we decided to aim the truck in that direction. We found a beautiful, serene park boasting a waterfall and enough spring flowers to make us forget the long hours spent on the road. 

Located on South Main Street, Falls Park consists of carefully manicured little areas combined to make one lovely, terraced greenspace. A crumbly rock staircase festooned with flowers leads down to the park. Tulips, daffodils, and pansies--swaths of color are dabbed here and there across the green lawns. Here you'd find a little gazebo tucked among the trees; there you'd find a swing set or bench surrounded by flowering azaleas, blooming in sudden pops of pink and white. A blended chorus of song birds and laughter mixes with the thunder and rush of the Reedy River as it rushes through the park's center.

Since we were there in the middle of the afternoon on a Thursday, we had the park relatively to ourselves. The Southern sun warming my shoulders made me jealous of the early spring that comes to the Carolinas and Georgia. We couldn't stay long, just thirty minutes-- but Mark had an opportunity to stretch his legs and Solo to muddy his paws-- which counts as a small victory in the world of boys and pups.

Have you ever visited Greenville? What are some of your favorite spots? 

Morgan & Newman // A Springtime Wedding

 So, I thought I might bombard ya'll with photos of my sweet friend Amber's wedding. Since I was a bridesmaid, I unfortunately was unable to take as many pictures as I would have liked. Every now and then, though, I just had to pull out my iPhone and snap a few irresistible shots. The wedding took place at the Mill at Yellow River, a beautiful converted twine mill that now serves as residences and as a wedding venue. Near Atlanta, the mill sits on the edge of a thundering waterfall framed by a beautifully landscaped little garden.

Before the wedding, we bridesmaids spent several hours in the bridal suite preparing with Amber. As such, most of my photos are of the suite and the "getting ready" session. I couldn't resist capturing the industrial charm of the place. Brick walls, original windows, pine floors... be still my heart!

I loved the contrast of the delicate crystals and lace against the stark brick and weathered wood. The pale pink peonies and roses of the bride's bouquet were so fragrant-- a perfect cluster of spring flowers. Everything perfectly complimented the spring season--from the blush pink of the bridesmaid dresses, to the peony bouquets, to the breezy tulle and lace of the bride's gown. 

Witnessing the bride prepare for her groom and the ceremony is a sweet, special privilege. Watching Amber apply mascara, smooth her hair, and perfect each aspect of her appearance underscored how much preparation--both inward and outward--goes into these special days. The bride isn't simply preparing for one special day or one moment of frill and fancy. No, she's preparing for an entirely new phase of life, as a new person, as someone's wife. Her identify takes on an entirely new facet. I remember the hours before my own wedding ceremony. I won't lie; I had some nervous tummy flutters. But then, calmness would settle around me, and I felt steady in my purpose. For the most part, I just kept thinking how surreal the day felt. I couldn't believe that something so monumental and important could be contained within a normal day's 24 hours. 

Can I just take a moment and comment on how beautiful Amber looked? My mother and I discussed it later: how brides truly seem to glow, their natural beauty suddenly so much more apparent. Sure, the stunning, ornate gowns, makeup, and professional updos may have something to do with that-- but I think there's more to it. My mom put it so perfectly when she remarked that she thinks that God gives brides a special anointing that day. Of course, there's no way to truly know-- but I think that perhaps God bestows an extra blessing of grace and beauty on brides. 

Sadly, I wasn't able to capture any photographs of the ceremony. The precious photograph below-- of the ceremony kiss- was taken by my close friend Krysten. It's bittersweet to watch a friend get married. Your heart swells with joy at their happiness but you tear up at the realization that childhood and the teenage years are officially over. Sometimes, it's easy to lament those lost days: the carefree times of hair braiding, nail painting, and flirting with boys. But time moves inexorably onward-- and we have to move with it. I'm thankful for the friends and loved ones who get to move along the pathway with us. I feel sure that there are so many wonderful days ahead, filled with new joys, new sorrows, new challenges, and new victories.

P.S. Don't you just love Mark's woolly beard? Jeez-louise, my very own mountain man! Let's just say a wife picks her battles... I have to admit, though, it is quite the beard. However, I think the Georgia heat convinced the poor man that we may have to bid the beard farewell once the weather warms up.

DIY Project // No-Sew Curtains for the Bathroom

Do you ever walk into a room in your home and, all of a sudden, some feature just glares out at you? You never noticed that particular item or feature before... but suddenly now you think 'Jeez. That's ugly." Well, this happened to me a few days ago. As I stood innocently brushing my teeth, the bathroom window caught my eye. Specifically, the window blinds.

I've never liked window blinds. Sure, they keep sunbeams from waking us up at dawn. Sure, they help manage the power bill. Sure, they keep peeping eyes out (yikes, I hope not). But man, could they be uglier? You show me some window blinds, and I'll show you some annoying, floppy, difficult-to-dust eyesores.

So thus was born this DIY: no-sew bathroom curtains. You may remember that I completed a similar project for our kitchen, to hide the air conditioner. Since that project has held up so well, I decided to outfit the bathroom in a similar manner. All I needed was to find the right fabric. A quick trip to JoAnn's Fabrics solved that problem.

Materials needed:
-fabric
-scissors
-heat & bond hem tape
-curtain rod and curtain clips
-iron

(Ps... pardon the lack of knob on the bathroom vanity. I'm in the process of replacing the hardware.) 

I think the black and white palm leaf pattern perfectly suits our little space. The quirky print combines vintage charm with modern, Southern style. I love how crisp the inky-black leaves look against the white bathroom trim. Plus, the no-sew technique is just so easy. And in my opinion, easy and cute are the perfect combo when you're talking about DIY. If you're looking for a fun, quick project, why not try making your own no-sew curtains this weekend?

Book Club // Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald

Welcome to the second installment of our collaborative Book Club series with Wit&Spice. This month, we will be discussing Therese Anne Fowler's novel Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald. Whitney put together some discussion points for us. Feel free to participate in the comments with your thoughts on the novel. You can use our discussion points or introduce your own. 

Whitney: Confession... I have never read The Great Gatsby or any other work by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I feel a little ashamed admitting that since he is known as one of the greatest writers of the 20th century. Because of my limited knowledge of Scott and his wife, I picked up Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald not knowing what to expect at all. I certainly didn't think I was going to become as captivated by their tale as I did. I'm curious how my opinions of these two famous characters match up with our readers' opinions — especially those of you who have read his novels and were acquainted with Scott and Zelda beforehand.

Abi: On the flip side, F Scott Fitzgerald is one of my favorite authors. Having read all of his novels and many of his short stories, I previously eyed Fowler's novel with trepidation. I didn't want this novel to somehow tarnish my vision of Fitzgerald or his work. Yet, as I held the book in my hand, I had to acknowledge that my education and perception of Fitzgerald may have been a bit skewed. I had read only his works and knew very little about Zelda.... other than brief blurbs in his biography, something along the lines of "his crazy wife." In fact, I wasn't even aware of her artistic or literary talents. Plus, Fowler's novel is just that: a novel. I had to remind myself that Fitzgerald and Z are characters, not necessarily completely historical representations of the real pepole. All of this aside... I have to say, this book may have become one of my favorites. 

1. Scott and Zelda's love story

Whitney: The novel begins in Montgomery, Alabama where Zelda lives with her family and Scott is stationed in the army. Although there's a war going on, it's a dreamy time — a time of dance cards, young love, and a whole world yet to explore. I was quickly pulled in by Scott and Zelda's love story, because I related to a lot of it myself. They were young and broke and had no idea what the future held in store, but as Zelda said, "We'll make it all up as we go."
As someone who also got married young without an established career, savings account, or any idea of what the future held, I was completely on board with Scott and Zelda's decision to throw traditional opinion to the wind and follow their hearts. They both had such an unabashed excitement and overall giddiness for life. Zelda expressed this so well when she first set foot in New York City and exclaimed, "All the clock works in my head are just spinning and springing apart!"

Abi: Ironically, my interpretation of their relationship was completely different. I found Zelda and Scott's first  interactions to be somewhat, well... immature and flighty. My immediate impression of Zelda was spoiled, ostentatious, and overly exuberant, while Scott seemed affected and idealistic. I first thought "Oh great... how am I going to get through an entire novel of these characters?" I couldn't help but doubt that they would ever make it together. How much of this was gleaned from their actions and how much was dredged up from half-remembered literary history... I'm not sure. Over the course of the novel, my skepticism turned to pity. I found myself rooting for them. Like "come on, guys, you can make this work!" To me, it seemed like they loved and lived in the wrong time. They were too much, too intense, too bright and too brilliant for their surroundings. The early 20th century was not a time in which women could really shine intellectually or artistically. Because of this, I think they burned each other out. Instead of holding each other up, they began to compete and resent each other. Yet it does say something about their love that despite the numerous pitfalls, they could still express love to each other. 

2. Our opinion of Scott

Whitney: At the beginning, I loved Scott's straightforward way of courting Zelda — as if there were no other option than to make her fall in love with him. After reading more, though, I realized this was the way Scott went about everything. Once he set his mind on something, he wasn't going to change it. While it was endearing when he was courting Zelda, it became less charming later on.
I started to dislike Scott early on in the novel and, once I got to the part where he tells Zelda to get rid of their possible baby, I was completely done with his character. When Zelda found out that she wasn't actually pregnant, she wrote: "Things have a way of working out for us, and this is just one more sign." The thing is, I don't think Scott believed that. He wasn't one to just sit around and wait for things to work themselves out. I feel like he was going to plow his own way ahead and woe to anyone or anything that got in his way. I grew tired of the selfish comments he would throw around and was so mad when he insisted that they name their baby Scottie after him (even though I think the name Scottie is adorable for a little girl). I was doing a silent fist pump in the air when Zelda finally told him off that night on the balcony after he accused her of trying to sabotage him.
For the rest of the book, my dislike for Scott just kept growing. Maybe I'm being too harsh on him. Do you think his behavior was acceptable given the attitude of the time pertaining to women and their place in a marriage? What did you think of him sending Zelda off to be "re-educated" and learn how to be a dutiful wife. I was steaming by that point.

 This book left me wondering if Zelda really had mental health issues like so many others, including Scott and Ernest Hemingway claimed, or if she was just a victim of her circumstances? I think Scott was too eager to push Zelda into an institution and claim that she was ill. And I think Zelda accepted it because, in some capacity, it brought some welcome structure to her otherwise chaotic life.
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Abi: Like Whitney, I couldn't help but doubt Zelda's supposed "mental health issues." I think she instead suffered from intellectualism and talent-- two traits declared lethal by the male-dominated society in which she lived. Every time I read about her 'reeducation," I just wanted to moan in exasperation. How could a cruel treatment like that be real? But then, that type of seemingly idiotic diagnosis was apparently normal for that time period. In my opinion, Fowler seems to be using the Zelda character as a way to poke at the traditionally male literary canon. The great, white, male authors (most notably for this book, Fitz and Hem) dominated the scene only because they had the power to shuffle the equally talented female author off to a "spa" to "recuperate from womanly illnesses." Often, Zelda refers to rivers, oceans, and large bodies of water. She compares herself to these entities and finds comfort swimming or at the beach. Traditionally, water is a symbol of femininity and the unknown. Her intellectual, creative, and actual voices were silenced and controlled.

And yes, the Scott character did profoundly frustrate me. Yet, the more I read, the more I began to pity him. I began to wonder if he was playing a part. Society demanded that he be a literary genius, a powerful man, a firm husband. He had no tools, no frame of reference from which to approach interacting with an intellectual woman. He wanted the beautiful wife, the trophy on his arm-- not someone as smart as Zelda. He expected to be her support and livelihood... and when he realized she could practically support herself? Was just as talented as he? His role fell apart. The sham of his character was exposed. The word that came to mind when reading Scott's character was "emasculated" -- not so much by Zelda but by the society that commanded he act the way he does. And I believe that Zelda's concerns--near that end of the novel-- that Scott is homosexual underscore this concept.

3. A little kindness goes a long way

Whitney: This may sound strange, but I thought this book had a lot of lessons that are applicable to marriage, especially since most of the book centered around Scott and Zelda's fraught marriage. Zelda even warned a friend once to not pattern her marriage after their own. I think Scott and Zelda never learned how to live together. They knew how to have fun and chase after wild adventures together, but once that subsided they were left staring at each other's glaring faults and unable to look past them.

When they were living in Saint-Raphael, there's a scene where Zelda gets angry at Scott for going out with his buddies rather than working on his book. Scott lashes out at her and accuses her of doing nothing but "flirting with flyboys and laying in the sun" all day. They were each so caught up in their own emotional worlds that it was hard to put themselves in the other's shoes. Scott was feeling dejected and unproductive. Zelda was feeling lonely and purposeless, and the result was two people who took their feelings out on each other rather than showing kindness. Maybe that wouldn't have solved all their problems, but I think letting their frustrations simmer below the surface for so many years ultimately led to a deep resentment of one another.

Abi: Fowler's portrayal of a fractured marriage did caution me too. Scott and Zelda were constantly at odds, constantly competing--so much so that their union and even their health dissolved beneath the strain. Not too be too didactic here, but what a warning. Mark and I are both ambitious people. We each have our goals and our dreams. Fowler's novel certainly made me pause and consider our own pathway. Are we supporting each other? Are we doing everything we can to help the other actualize their individual goals? Part of being married is being the other person's support. Fowler's Scott and Zelda certainly fell short here, something that could be all too easy a trap to fall into. 

Here are some questions that we're curious to hear your opinion on:

• Do you think Zelda was manipulating Scott by refusing to marry him until he made a name for himself?

• What did you think of Scott's insistence that they only hire strict nannies to care for Scottie? What is that about? It seems so out of character for him. 

•  Do you believe that Hemingway really was to blame for the disaster Scott and Zelda made of their lives?

• What did you think about the book overall? Therese Fowler admits in the prologue that almost all accounts of Scott and Zelda are either Team Scott or Team Zelda. It's understandable why this novel leaned more towards Team Zelda since it is, after all, a novel about her life. Do you think it is a fairly accurate representation of their lives and personalities? Or do you think it's a little too biased against Scott?